Do something, then do it again differently.

There I was, sipping my coffee from a teacup on this wonderful Wednesday morning, when I suddenly clocked...

"Damn, it's Wednesday already?!"

Last week I made the promise to myself, and to the open inter-world, that I would commit to writing regular blog posts.

Though I did not specify how frequent 'regular' would be, initially I wanted these blogs to be distributed on a weekly basis. The idea behind that prospect was not only to achieve a long-term desire of mine (write a blog that isn't a one-hit wonder) but also, an attempt to induce the flow of some creative juices, if you will.

I am a creative person. Though I may not be one of any real recognition or establishments, I undoubtedly have a mind which is built on imagination; as well as an ambition to give that imagination a platform of its own.

After uploading last week's blog, I was inspired to get to work on one of my children's novels. I revisited rough drafts and old documents containing extracts from this piece, and couldn't help but notice something.

Although the synopsis is still very much the same, my vision is now very different.

In consequence, so were my feelings towards the work I saw before me.

Have you ever returned to something you were once shamelessly proud of, and wondered why?

Or rewatched a film you loved in your childhood and been incredibly underwhelmed?

That's exactly what I felt.

It may have only been a few months ago that I officially started working on 'Rosanna, Roxby and the Star Return', but last week, I started it again with a heart heavied by dismay.

I imagine it won't be the final restart, either.

I opened those documents expecting to pick up where I left off, yet that was not the case at all.

One can't help but feel slightly defeated and deflated when, upon a revisit, the work of art you remembered so fondly turns out to be pure jargon.

And that, my friends, is what is commonly recognised as the attitude of a perfectionist.

Gulp.

Yes, I am doomed, it would seem.

Yet, though an amateur I may be, I have a feeling I know exactly how to handle this situation.

The one thing I won't be doing is drastically deleting any of the content I do not currently approve of.

I have learnt the hard way that is never a good idea to do so.

For being aware of our development is crucial. Not only that, but feelings can change, and perspectives can, too.

What I see as gobbledygook now, may be a glorious gateway to some extravagant invention the next time around.

Therefore I will be keeping every scrap, every draft and every disappointing detail until this quarrelsome quil can be set down for the very last time. Or the time after that.

Ah, a perfectionist and a hoarder - what a beautifully confusing combination.

Of course, lest we forget, that some of the most prestigious creators of our time ‘despise’ their most famous work.

Take Woody Allen, for example.

He is said to hold a grudge against his 1979 romantic comedy 'Manhattan', despite it being one of his most successful features.

Reportedly, he was so unhappy with it that he begged United Artists, the production company, not to release it. In fact, he even offered to make another film, in lieu, for free.

What about 'How To Kill A Mockingbird'?

The stress of editing and redrafting caused Harper Lee to toss the novel out the window. Literally.

Thankfully she retrieved it; much to the delight of English Literature students everywhere.

Unless, of course, your literature teacher just so happens to analyse the bejeebers and enjoyment out of every single sentence.

(cough, not speaking from personal experience, cough.)

But that's just it.

Nobody creates anything of any real substance within a day. Nor will they be 100% happy with it 100% of the time.

Maybe the fact that a person has the ability to be so critical of their work is a very positive and constructive factor when contributing to the creative industry.

If, like me, that’s you, let us prepare for several years of hard work, stress, doubts, procrastination, writer’s block, emotional breakdowns, and all that good stuff.

What an exhilarating journey we have ahead!

So, on reflection, I need to stop viewing back steps in the development as being unproductive.

My work is not yet finished - not even close - and maybe I will never feel as though it is good enough to be considered finalised.

Alas, what’s to stop any of us who do feel that way from remaking something that's already 'made'?

Disney doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. It looks like they’re doing alright, though.

So maybe, just maybe -

I’m not doing so bad myself.

13.March.2019

Wednesday